So...It Snowed...

 

We got a bit of snow! It seems it will be joined by another friendly neighbourhood storm currently making its way up the eastern coast....which means that it seems we will just continue to accumulate snow for the foreseeable future. 

I had occasion to think about snow this morning...at 6:30 while I shoveled it. 

We knew this snow was coming. There were weather warnings. So I did the responsible grown-up thing and cancelled our weekly out of town trip to The Girl's fencing lesson. Not a popular move for my parental ranking. Especially unpopular since there was no snow or inclement weather at the time of the decision. 

The Boy - upon hearing of the impending dumping of snow - immediately began negotiations for a 'snow day' should the local school board declare one. This is curious. We don't use schools. We only very loosely follow the school year calendar and that has more to do with sports and jobs than school days. I said there would be no snow day...it was going to be a normal school day for us. This firmly cemented my reduced popularity in the parental polls. 

So, it will be a normal school work day for us. I will be sure to intersperse it with regular shoveling breaks. It's the first day of winter weather and there's no way I'm going to be reelected. 

❤Mrs. A.

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New Year New Rule.

Mr. A and I have been discussing homeschooling in greater depth this last year. In particular we've been talking about the challenges I'm finding as the kids get older. I'm struggling to balance academics and daily life with all the important things that are coming up as the kids grow into young adults - autonomy, independence, emotions, control, respect.

Mr. A has a fairly black-and-white outlook whereas I'm definitely a colourful kind of girl. This last calendar year I've been waffling from one colour to the next trying to find a groove what we all fit into. Mr. A is very patient. Long story short, I haven't been very successful. So Mr. A has swooped in and handed me a solution.

We've started into the New Year with a New Rule. Normally we're a little like pirates around here - tending toward guidelines rather than hard and fast rules. So you can image how the kids sat up and took note when Mr. A announced a Rule when they were expecting a discussion.

And a simple and silly rule it may seem: no screens until your day's schoolwork is complete. But it has trickle-down consequences. I can't concentrate on schoolwork if things around the house aren't taken care of. If I have to take care of everything then it takes me a long time to get to the books.

Today was essentially Day #1. Mr. A is back to work which means that our holidays are over. The rub is that the kids' peers have another week of school break; they're under the self-imposed impression they have another week of free time. (Never mind the three weeks they've already had off!) So in typical Mrs. A fashion, I toed the middle of the line. There were no screens until today's school work was finished...but I let the kids police their schedule for the day. They started to get antsy about 1pm when we hadn't hit the books and I was still doing post-holiday housework.

In the end we accomplished what we needed to. And the kids pretty quickly picked up on the principle the Rule is meant to accomplish.

I'm so thankful for Mr. A's problems solving tendencies. (Sometimes I don't feel very thankful - like when I mention something in passing and he swoops in with 4 different solutions to pick from when really I was simply venting and just needed him to say soothing things. But really, I do appreciate this man skill he has.) And in true Father Knows Best style, my kids tend to tune in when Dad speaks up. So I hope this New Year's New Rule helps to get us into the groove we're all looking for.

~Mrs. A.

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Changes

So many changes, so little time! It feels like 2011 has been just flying by so far.

The mandatory schedule changes I am suffering this year are not fun to get used to. Mr. A's work schedule changed in January necessitating my house-wife-y duties to resume before 7am. Not popular. Especially with the 'Spring Forward' time change. Other of my house-wife-y duties have had to be rescheduled as well since Time-of-Use hydro pricing has come into play in our city. Laundry and baking are now usually saved for the weekend.

My efforts to focus my energy this year are challenging - but it's a good challenge. I'm planning and organizing more efficiently as I focus on my list of priorities (really, I had to make a sticky note to remind myself). As a result, I find myself a little more accepting of what I do - or don't - accomplish throughout the day. I raise my voice less even when frustrated and stressed. Cool side effect.

Mr. A, The Boy Child, Miss K and I have been seeing our share of family changes as well. Mr. A's daughter, Miss B, has been able to spend some time with us. This new, very welcomed and long awaited change began last summer. We've moved through the novelty and excitement of a new arrangement into a more real eyes-wide-open time of learning about new family dynamics.

With the physical size of people changing around here it's become very apparent that if the size of the house can't change, then the layout and organization must. Adding one pre-teen girl to my collection of newly teen girl and pre-teen boy makes the relative size of one's sofa very small. In fact, it made the entire seating/lounging/sprawling situation very difficult. So Mr. A and I have been doing our very best to make changes to make things a little more comfortable.

Today we added new furniture. In preparation, we moved old furniture to a new rec room type space in our partly finished basement. Adding furniture gave me the perfect opportunity to rearrange our entire main floor. This is our main living area and I haven't been able to rearrange it for many, many, many years. The biggest change was removing the entertainment unit which paved the way for a nicely flowing open concept living area. I love it.

Surprisingly, the kidlets have entered the ranks of the working class. My brother-in-law has gathered them up on occasion and taken them to work at his marina. The arrangement has been working out very nicely and plans are to have regular workdays throughout the summer. Being a business man, my brother-in-law gave instruction on negotiating a wage the very first day the kids were there. He wrote them up a paycheque at the end of the day, much to their delight.

Miss K has been asked to provide her services to my sister, a new mom, as a mother's helper. Homeschooling has never been so flexible! We easily find a couple of hours once day a week for Miss K to watch my new nephew.

On the horizon are exciting things: our first foray into competitive sports for The Boy Child; a regular volunteer position for Miss K and I at the local therapeutic riding program; homeschooling highschool. Among the exciting upcoming things are everyday efforts: returning to running - this time with Miss K joining in; a surprise visit States-side to my mother-in-law's for Mother's Day; a new sesame allergy (added to Miss K's peanut allergy). And so life goes on.

♥Mrs. A.

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March Madness

Today was a March Madness day. My people were here, there and everywhere requiring this, that and more. On top of it all, I had a number of responsibilities and obligations to meet.

One of today's obligations included the creation and distribution of Mint Oreo Truffles. Yum!

Perhaps it's my age. Perhaps it's just years and years of trying, but I must say that I'm proud of myself for accomplishing all of today's 'to do's without the usually meltdown...which usually manifests itself in the form of a flappable, loud, ornery and barely productive woman. Yea me.

It's interesting to see the difference in their needs as my kids get older. Still needy, but in a totally different way than when they were toddlers requiring all sorts of physically demanding care. Although, I do have to question the increased amount of lap-time being required by a certain Miss K. Not that I mind, but she is taller than me now, and quickly gaining on me in the mass department as well.

I suppose I notice the differing needs more these days as my siblings have begun having babies. And nice babies. I'm sure my babies were just as nice...I'm sure I would have properly noticed if I hadn't been so sleep deprived. So I'm thankful that I'm able to stay home and spend every day with my grown-up babies.

Now I'm off to relax and bask in the glow of a productive day. Tomorrow I'll wake up and try to do it all aver again.

~Mrs. A.

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~May~

May's calendar page is sitting on my computer desk waiting to be blogged. It's sitting there quite innocently, right where I put it. But it's kind of glowering, too. Glaring it's blogging want.

May wasn't anything spectacular. I'm sure it was sort of indicative if the way things usually are around here. I sifted and coasted and drifted through the days, sometimes wishing I could keep my head in the game more consistently. I suppose I would feel better if I were able to concentrate on the wonderfulness of my kids and the happiness of the dogs and the simple luxury I live in every day. I'll have to remember that.

I started May with a clean house and a new haircut. I had a really nice Mother's Day.

Treats!

I helped my mom out by going to work for her for a day. That was interesting. One working momma meant two sets of packed lunches, a baby-sitter, a puppy-sitter, packed up school work, a morning rush, a late dinner and an early bedtime. Totally not something I would do every day on purpose. I suppose it was a jarring experience just because we've not lived that way in a long, long time.

The skittish white dog got an eye infection. And Mr. A, bless his poor, oblivious heart, learned the ins and outs of dealing with the vet. I think he debriefed for a week.

Niece!

My new knitting group seems to have taken off quite nicely. As I had hoped, a good crowd of diversity has shown up and they all seem to be happy with a relaxed, social atmosphere. I find myself looking forward to spending a couple of hours planning and preparing for the meetings. So, every other week at the local library, we knit. The other attendees have taken it upon themselves to carve out some space at the local pub to knit on the off weeks. Hilarious. And awesome.

New Kittens!

On the home school front, we're picking our way through the final bits of work for the year. Much of the language arts we did was finished in May. We're a little behind my schedule in our history studies and the kids made a plan to finish their math by June 4. Running club finished early so the coach could take some of the kids and groom them to join the local private school's track team. We had a social picnic-park play after a museum program to kick off the good weather. I'll have to remember to have another at the end of this month. We took in the local multicultural fair as well. Always a good time. It always surprises me how much the kids enjoy themselves there even though it's loud and crowded and they are scared to try the different food. They eat cotton candy and apple crisp while the rest of us are sampling Indian, Jamaican, Turkish, Irish and Chinese food.

"Science" With Mr. A!

The Blue Eyed Bandit grew so much over May! She's impressing everyone at obedience even though we didn't practice a whole lot. She's very smart. She's such a happy, peaceful puppy. And ever since I moved her crate to my bedroom, she's slept through the night. That only took me three months to figure out.

Bad Dog!

I was reminded throughout May that I have 'Me' opportunities popping up all over the place. It's a little exciting after focusing solely on the kids for so many years. I'm part of a book club that I love. The knitting group, getting out a couple of times a week for a walk/run, puppy classes. We even had a couple over twice in May. I don't want to call them Couple Friends...Mr. A is shy, you know...but I think there's potential!

June is shaping up: We still have to get the boats out so we can get out on the River with the kids. And the car is having major surgery to the tune of the cost of a week long family vacation to somewhere a plane ride away. The next round of puppy classes will start. The Boy will be playing soccer and I will be convening his age group. Exciting times, I say!

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Draining, Frustrating, Very Bad, No Good Day

I'm sitting here this evening - with my second coffee of the day (yea me!) - reflecting on the kind of day I had.

I had a bad day. It was a Sad Mom Day. It's well on its way to being a Mom Gives Up and Hides In Bed Day.

I don't like to be so negative. Usually, as soon as I start to own my bad day, my thoughts immediately start to rebel and I think, "Surely something wasn't so bad today!" Then, the happy part of my brain gets out the frilly stationary and starts to make a list. It's very annoying.

So here I sit purposefully reflecting on my bad day. No one felt cared for or nurtured today. We were all so fragmented that someone's needs were an infringement for someone else. The Girl Child was sad and frustrated. The Boy Child was not feeling well and anxious. I was pretending to be patient which frustrates Mr. A. to the ends of his patience.

In a particularly harried moment between The Boy and his sister, I calmly said, "And that display just earned you both an 8:30 bedtime." I haven't scaled back bedtime in years. In fact, it's been years since they even had a bedtime. We have bedguidelines around here.

I explained to The Girl Child - with The Boy hovering close by - that my parenting toolbox only had so many tools in it. (One of those tools being patience.) If the tools had to be pulled out and used up early in the day, then there wouldn't be any left by the end of the day.

The kids laughed at me. At least the tension was diffused. For the moment.

From there the day continued falling down the hill. The Girl Child dug in her heels and The Boy Child overcompensated.

I thought perhaps a little large muscle activity and sunshine would improve everyone's demeanor. At the very least, a quiet house would improve Mr. A's. I took The Boy, The Girl and The Blue Eyed Bandit downtown. We walked by the river and along the bike trail to my sister's house. I knew she probably wouldn't be home, but the kids didn't know that and the dog didn't care. We ended up walking for an hour. I persisted with my happy patience, The Boy talked a blue streak and The Girl walked four feet behind with her arms crossed. The. Whole. Way.

Later on at home, I cleaned up and made dinner while Mr. A worked late. The kids waited for dinner. I was biding my time. When everyone's blood sugar was sufficiently stabilized I started cleaning up the day's mental and emotional debris.

Throughout the cleanup, I was methodical and precise. The menfolk, bless their hearts, were uncomplicated. Eventually, though, I had to draw very clear lines in the sand between The Girl and I.

I seriously hope it's true that kids test limits because they want boundaries. The Girl Child was reminded of some key boundaries. She wasn't too sure that the boundaries should apply to her. The Girl was reminded that although the boundaries are not flexible, there were certain privileges and 'perks' that are not only flexible, they are downright removable. Imagine how clear and uncluttered those pesky boundaries would be if I were to remove all of that perky privilege!

By bedtime - yes, at 8:30pm - everyone was calm and relaxed. Thank goodness. Pleasant words and kind voices were back in residence. We're all looking forward to tomorrow. Ok, most of us are looking forward to most of tomorrow. There's a science project that is looming over a certain 7th grader's head.

So here I sit questioning myself. My homeschool. My relationships. My parenting path. My decision to take 10th grade 'Clothing' when obviously someone should have been teaching 'How To Parent Your Adolescent'.

I'm hoping the emotional dramatics are hormones and that with patience and loving and lots of talking there will be no permanent damage. I'm hoping that I can find the tools I need to do a better job for all of us.

All on two cups of coffee a day.

Please send chocolate,

♥ Mrs. A

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Today Was A Dentist Day

Today was Dentist Day. On a Dentist Day, I usually get dressed in my Mother Guilt and gear up for a busy day and a lighter wallet.

Today was no different. We had an early lunch and drove the hour to the pediatric dentist in the next big town to the west. The nice thing about going to the city is that there is plenty of opportunity for big, shiny carrots to dangle in front of my mostly miserable offspring.

The poor things are miserable because in the dental DNA department (the source of my Mother Guilt), they got the short end of the stick. For every cleaning they've ever had, there is usually a more serious problem to fix, patch or pull. This particular visit involved trying to rebuild a molar for The Boy and three extractions for The Girl.

Before even approaching the dentist's office today, we hit the toy store. This carrot was to distract The Boy Child so that he did not become too anxious before his appointment. He returned a duplicated Christmas gift and received a store credit which turned his logical, number crunching brain to money matters. Nothing was bought, but the discussion from the toy store to the dentist's chair encompassed all matters related to saving allowance, finding online product reviews and creating calendar checkpoints leading up to the potential purchase day.

He was not a happy camper when he assumed the position in the examination chair. It's the needles that set him off. Well, it's the idea of the needles, really. Once the nitrous oxide is flowing and the topical numbing agent has been applied, the needles are a piece of cake. He always stops the dentist to tell her that it was not nearly as bad as he thought it was going to be. Clear sailing for the rest of the appointment. The Boy and his brittle, weak enamel are patched up for another few months. The Boy returned to the waiting room where he immediately began organizing the office's meager Lego supply.

I had the job of taking The Girl to the examination room. By the hand. She felt it her duty to pretend a dramatic display of dental angst. Even though she's very near to being taller than me, she still needs to let everyone know that her miserable 12-year old life is all my fault. The Girl handles her stress and anxiety more quietly than her brother. Sarcasm and dramatics are popular tools of hers. But very soon the nitrous oxide was flowing again and the needles were tolerated with only a wee bit of toe curling. A bit of elbow grease on the part of the dentist and The Girl was three teeth lighter. For some unexplained reason, these primary teeth were hanging in there for the long haul.

The Girl was quite concerned, but not about the gaping spaces in her smile. She wanted her proverbial carrot. Still dozey from the gas, she wanted to make sure we were able to get to the book store before we left for home. She was so concerned, in fact, that the dentist had to set the timer so that she would keep her groggy butt parked until she was cleared for take-off.

I won't even get into how drugged I felt after the appointments when my funds were frozen and extracted. Please send your sympathies to zehnplus@gmail.com...

Soon I found myself in the book store with two drooly, slurring kids, one of who was very clearly not herself. Normally quite animated in the book store, The Girl was wandering around like the walking wounded. She couldn't find one appealing thing for me to buy for her. A clear sign that she should rest. One Universe book later, picked out by The Boy, we were on our way.

The kids were such troopers today. I'm proud of the way they handled themselves. As stressed out and anxious as they were, they were steady and brave when the going got tough. They were good company, considerate travellers and mature conversationalists. All the sibling 'issues' I see in a regular day disappeared and resurfaced as kind words and empathy for each other. (I suppose misery really does love company?!) At the end of the day, I am reminded of how great my kids are.

I am also reminded that they are not stupid. I'm off to do something about the three teeth under my 12-year old's pillow. Did I mention how much today is costing me??!

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A Chatty Blog

Thank you to those who have emailed comments. I appreciate every one as they are so personal. Since I am just a wee blip on the blogosphere and not inundated with huge numbers of emails, I like being able to reply to those who drop a line.

I've noticed funky, frustrating things happening with my blog layout. It could be the template. I can't read all the HTML and figure it out myself, so I'll wait for my tech support to take a look sometime. THAT will cost me favours. But that's ok. My tech guy is my own Mr. B and he's not too bad to do favours for. In the meantime, I just select 'smaller' from the 'Text Size' menu in 'View' on my browser window menu. Then everything pops back where it should be. I'm trying not to worry about it. But it is bugging me.

My brother is having a baby. Well, of course his lovely new wife is actually going to be doing the work of the happy event. I can still call her 'new wife' as their first anniversary is not until next week. This is wonderful news! I will be an aunt for the first time on my side and my kids will get their first maternal cousin. The kids tell me they've been waiting a while. The Boy is all ramped up to teach his new cousin to play hockey. I don't think he understands the timeline involved quite yet. I'm not going to the be the one to burst his bubble.

New baby news is rocking my world. I knew when it came, I'd have trouble with it. For years, I'd been doing really well when acquaintances announced their happy news or brought their new bundle around. I even managed to get over myself when my sister-in-law on Mr. B's side had her baby. However. Now that a sibling has begun the journey to parenthood, all my baby itch, my baby envy, my bigger family wishes, my pregnancy jealousy has taken a seat at the head of the table. Being a hormonal week for me has not helped a bit. So. Please excuse me while I wimp and whine and leak pity tears for the babies I never had. I'm trying to stay busy and not listen to music or be alone and I'm going to maintain a full schedule chalk full of people because that will keep me grounded in reality. I'm trying to keep all the angry, sad and disappointed feelings to myself. It's easiest to take out stressful feelings on those closest to you. My little family is perfect, really. We are so blessed with health and happiness and I feel rich every day in so many ways. So even with all my internal storming right now, I am remembering to be kind and considerate and loving first. I just have to keep a Kleenex in my pocket.

Moving on.

A particular acquaintance of mine, a former employee from days gone by, speaks about homeschooling under her breath. She's a teacher. Every time she sees my kids she asks them when they're going back to school. Never mind that they've never been to public school. It's a little undermining. On Monday this particular acquaintance stopped by while walking in the neighbourhood and this is what she found in our yard:

What poor, unfortunate, unsocialized homeschooled children I have. My kids are loving these outside play times with neighbourhood kids. I could go on about how much they get out of these friendships, what they're learning, the skills they're honing, how they're socialized rather than just socializing. I won't. The kids talk to me about the value of these times and I'm not worried about the Undermining Teacher.

My parents are back from a two week trip to South Korea and Japan. They came home bearing gifts and souvenirs for all. We are eating up the stories of Asian culture and are anxiously awaiting the pictures they took.

As our last week of homeschooling wraps up, I'm weeding through the Shelf and putting away things we won't be needing next year. I've got a bag of stuff to sell off and other things, like our math box, will be dismantled. This little math box held our fact cards, coin cup, money manipulatives and word problems. I think we used it every day for the last 3 years. Onward and upward, as Ms. Frizzle would say.

On the To Do list for today is a Homeschooler Phys.Ed class and The Girl's soccer game. My scrapbooking project will receive some attention. I have a tentative deadline of this Saturday for it to be finished. I should be able to get to a good amount of housework if the last two days are anything to go by. I'm off to get to our schoolwork this morning so we can enjoy our afternoon without bookwork hanging over our heads.

Have a great day,

♥Mrs. A

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Bits of Independence

As we forge on into the adolescent years, I am keeping my eyes open for ways in which The Boy and The Girl can try out their growing independence. It's very easy, really, as they both let me know when they're ready for something more.

The latest adventure is leaving them at home for short periods of time. Years ago, I thought it would be difficult and anxiety provoking. Silly me! I make sure they're fed and generally happy and they take care of the rest. When I'm out and the kids are at home, I feel fine. I'm relaxed. I'm focused on the activity at hand (usually groceries) and I go about my business without hardly giving a thought to the kids.

For years the kids have been 'practicing' their independence around the house with decreasing supervision. The Girl gets a lot of satisfaction out of making herself breakfast every day. I quit snack duty years ago and the kids now forage for themselves. They direct their own hobbies and interests, they're responsible for certain household tasks and they are making good progress in learning things that have been my job in the past. They are responsible to keep their rooms as they like them, to pick out their own clothes when shopping and for deciding how to spend most of their time.

Leaving them at home seemed like a natural and logical step. If I was at all anxious about it, I wouldn't do it. I know I've been long enough on my errands when that 'funny feeling' starts. Years ago when I read Protecting The Gift by Gavin de Becker, I was happy to read about trusting your intuition. For a long time, I'd been doing things that set off warning bells within myself. Since then, I have been much more confident in listening to my intuition - particularly my 'parenting radar'. When it goes off, I come home or call home.

I'm so glad that this is working out - for the kids' sake, not mine. I'm glad I'm able to help them feel grown up and mature and responsible. It's exciting to help them foster the independence that will be so important to them in the coming years. And I love how when I come home, I usually find this:

A couple of happy kids reading aloud to each other while their parents were at the mall.

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